May 6, 2020

I believed that for Robert the whole point of getting up in the morning was to go out -to parks, beaches, movies, restaurants, museums, stores, banks, post offices and, of course, to his programs. Leaving the house was the highlight of his day. So as I anticipated  need to “Shelter in Place”  I also worried about Robert’s adjustments to his life being narrowed to the walls of the house for most of the day.  There were not many things he liked to do at home. Although we studied together, that was not an activity Robert could do without my supervision. Moreover that was not a “typical”  home activity for the 28 years old young man.  It was, after all, type of schooling. It was a type of a school homework

Now, what he and I needed was to switch from homework to housework.

I am aware that I I have very mixed feelings about Robert learning new life skills. Of course, I want him to learn to be independent and complete as many everyday tasks as possible. At the same time, I catch myself trying to exclude Robert from many new tasks.

Today, I woke up earlier than usually.  I wanted to clean the refrigerator before Robert wakes up. I knew all too well that Robert didn’t like any activity that would result in even temporary changes to the established order of his space. In the past when I was taking out food from the fridge to clean its shelves and drawers, Robert was simultaneously putting it back. He was also very agitated. VERY AGITATED.

So, I usually cleaned the fridge when Robert was in his program.  But now, since he was home almost all the time, I didn’t have any other choice. I had to wash the refrigerator while Robert was sleeping.

Except he wasn’t.

In his bedroom,  he heard a series of noises which told him that something was amiss. He came to check. He stood in the entrance to the kitchen and was trying to make sense of what was going on.  I encouraged him to dress up and eat the breakfast I had prepared for him earlier, but he didn’t move. He was watching me. But, he didn’t put any item of food back in the fridge.

Only then I realized, that he was observing me trying to figure out how he can help.  So I gave him simple directions,

“Take everything from this shelf and put it on the table.”

“Remove everything from this drawer and place it on this counter.”

“Dry this shelf with this rug but leave it on the bench for now.”

Ten, twenty, maybe more similar requests followed.  Robert complied without a murmur of protest.

Twice he wanted to put a shelf back in its place too soon, but didn’t protest when I asked him to wait as there was more cleaning to complete.

When the refrigerator was clean and it was time to put all the food back, Robert said, “Robert, Robert” .

That was his way of telling me that he wanted to do that himself and that he didn’t need me to interfere.

So, I didn’t.

It is his refrigerator, his kitchen, his home also.