September 3, 2020

Robert didn’t like changes. He searched diligently (including the outside trash can) for a thrown away dish. He retrieved it and put it back in the cupboard. (Well, he agreed to place it in the dishwasher.)  He was reluctant to unpack and try on a  new pair of pants or a new shirt. By repeating, “Store, store”, he insisted on returning to the store any new article of clothing. He protested when at the start of a new month, I removed the calendar page displaying the previous month. It took a lot of “arguing” and a long time to convince Robert to adjust his dressing pattern to the changing weather.

Not anymore!

As the morning of one of the last days of August turned cooler, we asked Robert to wear a white T-shirt under his other shirt. He wasn’t convinced. He just put on his striped red and blue shirt. “Robert”, said his dad, “it is colder than yesterday. We won’t go for a walk, if you don’t wear a white shirt under. ” Robert agreed. The following day, before dressing up, Robert showed me the white T-shirt as if either asking or demonstrating his willingness to wear it. As he uses a very few words the exact meaning of his actions remains foggy.  Nonetheless, I responded,   “Yes, it is a good idea to wear it”.

Robert noticed a new blue shirt resting on the chair.  It still had a tag attached to it. He brought the shirt to me.  “Yes, it is for you. Could you try it? ” Robert did.  It was his size. “OK, it looks very well on you.  Cut off the tag and rinse it in the washing machine. ” I advised. Without a sigh of protest, Robert did just that.

I purchased a few food containers. I needed to replace four of the old ones and use remaining four to organize the food in the pantry. When Robert was still sleeping, I poured the flour, buckwheat, and two kinds of pasta into new jars. I left empty, old containers on the kitchen table. When Robert woke up, he examined empty containers for a while. he noticed the new ones already swerving their purpose.  “Robert, we don’t need those jars any more. Could you carry them to the garage and put them on the shelves?” Without hesitation, Robert took two of them to the garage, returned for another two and completed my request. It has to be clarified, that I didn’t Robert to throw the old containers away.  Such change would be much too radical for Robert.

On the evening of the last Tuesday (September 1st), Robert took dad’s hand and led him to the kitchen wall. He tapped on the calendar page which was still showing August. Dad understood, “Yes, we need to change the month. Take it off Robert”. Robert carefully tore the page and brought it … to me.  He wanted to show me not only that he understood the reasons for removing calendar pages. He was telling me something much more important.  He was telling me that HE CHANGED.

As negligent as the changes in Robert’s attitudes and behaviors seem to others, for us they are huge! We noticed them with surprise and relief.

I still wonder, why now?

Is it possible that when so many things remain the same or repeat themselves in a circular patterns, Robert longs for a change and accepts it whenever he finds it?