June 11, 2021

I have been writing this blog for over 9 years. At the beginning I wrote 7 to 10 posts each months. As the time progressed I became less prolific, less analytic, and less creative. Most importantly, I have never been able to organize this blog by dividing it into separate sections that would address and develop different concepts/topics.

A few times accidental readers, complain about the organization.

And rightly so.

It is impossible to find the main theme or to follow a few distinctive paths.

At the beginning, I felt that there was a value in simply recording what I had noticed and learned while teaching Robert. However, that value became forgotten and/or deformed as more and more posts piled up one on top of another.

So in a few days, this blog will cease to exist. To the few remaining readers. I say, “Thank you for being with me and Robert”

Maria Hrabowski

krymarh@gmail.com

June 10, 2021

Moon Sang-Tae, the thirty something fictional character in a Korean drama It’s OK to Not Be OK, has autism. His autism, however, is very different from Robert’s. Because Sang-Tae resembles Rain Man not Robert.

Unlike Robert, Sang-Tae has enough language to communicate not only his needs, but also his observations and his…feelings. Robert communicates his basic needs in one word utterances which are understood only by those who know him.

Unlike Robert, Sang-Tae has, so called, “splintered skills. He is a great illustrator while Robert has difficulties copying simple drawings.

Unlike Robert, Sang-Tae can become aggressive when in distress. In stressful situations, Robert exhibits self-injurious behaviors but doesn’t hit anybody.

With all those differences. I consider the K-Drama It’s OK to Not Be OK to be one of the best presentations of issues related to autism.

While watching each of the sixteen parts of the series, not once I held my breath deeply touched by the interpersonal dynamic as it relates to Moon Sang-Tae.

There were obvious similarities. The cards depicting emotions hanging on the wall to allow a child/person with autism decipher the feelings on real people faces. No, we didn’t have cards placed on the wall. Instead, we had them spread on the table many, many times. We played memory game or bingo with them. Only later I realized, that Robert “smelled” our emotions and reacted not by naming them but by tuning to them. I suspect that Moon Sang-Tae also “read” other person emotions not necessarily by visual cues but by feeling the air around that person.

Both Sang-Tae and Robert have caring siblings, who deal with their respective brothers with love and determination while hiding skillfully resentments and hurt they must feel in many challenging moments.

When Sang Tae squeezes himself between his brother and his brother girlfriend (well less and more than girlfriend) during their walk, I thought about Robert placing himself between Amanda and her friend Igor.

As I empathized with Gang-Tae feeling of being less loved than his brother I thought about Amanda. When she was younger, she believed that the sentence I often used while talking to Robert, “I love you AS MUCH AS I LOVE AMANDA” meant that I loved her less.

But it is more than that. It was Amanda who was born three months prematurely and it was Robert who, in at least a few quickly passing but nonetheless real thoughts, was going to watch over his premature sibling.

As I wrote above, Moon Sang-Tae presented himself very differently than Robert and yet, I still saw Robert, Amanda, and myself in It’s OK to Not Be OK.

June 6, 2021

I have not written anything during the last six months. What should I write if everything seems to remain the same? Weekends are not different than weekdays.

Every day now, Robert sleeps longer than he used to as if there was no reason to get up early. He eats his breakfast, studies with me, goes for the walk to one of  parks, eats late lunch/dinner, naps, watches TV, or completes a project, and, after a small supper and a long bath, he goes to sleep.

I realized how much more he sleeps at home when we traveled to his grandmother in Pennsylvania. During the five days we spent there, Robert was awaken very early and ready for new places and new experiences. However, as soon as he returned home, the sleeping became his favorite activity again.

He sleeps as if repeating the same pattern of food and activities was not a good reason to get up.

Yes, Robert likes patterns, and still expects his dinner menus to follow the nine day cycle:

poblano, eggplant, chicken fingers, hamburgers, poblano, eggplant, chicken fingers, hamburgers and TAKE OUT from one of his favorite restaurants.

He makes sure that this ninth day is special. So special that even the restaurant can be different each time.

There are at least 15 new trails Robert visited during the last year. However more than Audubon parks or Trustees reservation, Robert likes Blue Hill State Park. He insists on visiting Blue Hill at least twice a week.

He studies with me almost every day, but doesn’t insist, as he did in the past, that we complete all the worksheets left by me on the table. There is nothing very exciting about our studies lately. We mostly review what Robert learned (or at least was presented with in the past.) So, I cannot really claim that he learned something new. Since he doesn’t make recurring errors there is no reason for me to think about new approaches to teaching to address those errors.

The only thing he likes to do now, are the Kiwico projects which Robert completes with Amanda’s assistance twice a week.

He still prepares (almost independently) breaded chicken tenderloins, and helps with other dishes.

As before, he still does laundry. Using one of the words: “dark, colored or light” he informs me which pile of clothes he will wash. Sadly, he often forgets to use laundry detergent or change the washing cycle.

The only new development is Robert rinsing dishes and placing them in the dishwasher!  He does it, without being asked every time he notices a few dirty plates or bowls in the sink. Lately, he even dared to wash a few pots and pans.

Unfortunately, he poured all the oil from the pan into the drain.

Oh, well.