June 10, 2021

Moon Sang-Tae, the thirty something fictional character in a Korean drama It’s OK to Not Be OK, has autism. His autism, however, is very different from Robert’s. Because Sang-Tae resembles Rain Man not Robert.

Unlike Robert, Sang-Tae has enough language to communicate not only his needs, but also his observations and his…feelings. Robert communicates his basic needs in one word utterances which are understood only by those who know him.

Unlike Robert, Sang-Tae has, so called, “splintered skills. He is a great illustrator while Robert has difficulties copying simple drawings.

Unlike Robert, Sang-Tae can become aggressive when in distress. In stressful situations, Robert exhibits self-injurious behaviors but doesn’t hit anybody.

With all those differences. I consider the K-Drama It’s OK to Not Be OK to be one of the best presentations of issues related to autism.

While watching each of the sixteen parts of the series, not once I held my breath deeply touched by the interpersonal dynamic as it relates to Moon Sang-Tae.

There were obvious similarities. The cards depicting emotions hanging on the wall to allow a child/person with autism decipher the feelings on real people faces. No, we didn’t have cards placed on the wall. Instead, we had them spread on the table many, many times. We played memory game or bingo with them. Only later I realized, that Robert “smelled” our emotions and reacted not by naming them but by tuning to them. I suspect that Moon Sang-Tae also “read” other person emotions not necessarily by visual cues but by feeling the air around that person.

Both Sang-Tae and Robert have caring siblings, who deal with their respective brothers with love and determination while hiding skillfully resentments and hurt they must feel in many challenging moments.

When Sang Tae squeezes himself between his brother and his brother girlfriend (well less and more than girlfriend) during their walk, I thought about Robert placing himself between Amanda and her friend Igor.

As I empathized with Gang-Tae feeling of being less loved than his brother I thought about Amanda. When she was younger, she believed that the sentence I often used while talking to Robert, “I love you AS MUCH AS I LOVE AMANDA” meant that I loved her less.

But it is more than that. It was Amanda who was born three months prematurely and it was Robert who, in at least a few quickly passing but nonetheless real thoughts, was going to watch over his premature sibling.

As I wrote above, Moon Sang-Tae presented himself very differently than Robert and yet, I still saw Robert, Amanda, and myself in It’s OK to Not Be OK.