I haven’t been writing in a long time. During COVID it has been harder to write than before. I don’t know why. But what also pushed me away from this blog is the change made by WordPress to the way this blog has to be written. The small thing but it alienated me.

I am old and don’t like changes made by the younger, smarter, and, I dare to assume, conceited people. Even more irritating is that they made those changes on my behalf. Of course, without consulting me at all.

So, I feel lost and humiliated.

Still, before I find someone who would help me move this blog somewhere else, to the place without so many confusing but really empty options, I am forced to write here, to do a simple accounting of Robert’s and my learning during COVID.

We did a lot of desk learning. However, despite the fact, that each day we spent between one and three hours of studying, I have the feeling of failure. I knew that it was not what Robert needed.

And I became too bitter to write. After all, Robert should be in a community. He should be among his peers. He should learn new jobs He should learn the way to act around people and with people. This is what I couldn’t teach him. Nobody else did.

We read about skills needed for community and for work, Completing the whole Curriculum I got even more bitter.

I realized that whatever I was doing was not what Robert needed. I realized that I was not able to entice/ force others to address Robert’s needs. There are organizations which are supposed to participate in his care , but I am unable to work with them. Well, it is more like they are not able to work with Robert.

I realized how little there is now for Robert, and how little it would be in the future. So, I am bittter.

In the first months of COVID, we did a lot of academic work. I used teacher’s made material to go over, social studies. We started with easy second grade level and progressed till six. We continue with math skills.

Later we moved toward more functional learning. From Remedia Publication we completed Everyday Reading and Writing, Everyday Math. From Attainment Company we completed Focus on Safety, Focus on Community, Focus on Feeling, and Focus on Work. Still, I got even more bitter. All those skills should be practiced in a group of his peers, he should be exposed to work/volunteer opportunities. He should be….

As we work on speech production using Weber workbooks and as I struggle to help robert produce some of the sounds, I am mad too. There should be a good speech pathologist working with him. There should be someone who knows how to use tongue depressor, who knows what cues to give for each and every sound. It shouldn’t be me, for whom English is a second language and who still cannot differentiate between sounds of short vowels “o”, “a” or “u”

I am not able to teach him that, but I still try because I am even less able to find someone who would help him learn, who would support him.

I see, that despite everything we have been doing, Robert is regressing.

So, I am bitter. very bitter.