February 12, 2015

Robert went to the dentist this morning. The visit was long overdue as the last one happened more than 3 years ago. As he turned 19, he seemed to outgrew pediatric dentistry practice.  Except that I wasn’t ready for the move.  I was afraid that the adult doctor might not have much experience with special needs population.  After all, so many of my friends’ children kept having all dental services under full anesthesia. I though that Robert’s dentists and we, the parents, worked very hard to make sure Robert tolerates all dental procedures including extraction (of baby teeth) and fillings.

The first visits went with just little bumps.  Robert tolerated cleaning rather well.  But then came extractions. Since there was an infection around the tooth (based on a bump on the gum), the shot with anesthetic didn’t do its job. Robert had to be in a lot of pain.  So, when the need for another extraction came about, Robert protested vehemently and was very successful in hiding under his dad’s jacket and/or wiggling out of anybody’s hold. That was when the dentist suggested full anesthesia.  I thought, we should try again.  We found another dentist, almost 30 miles farther away but with a lot of experience with special needs population. He noticed the bump and proscribed antibiotic before scheduling extraction. My husband and I came with Robert.  Robert was anxious and tried to wiggle out of the dental chair. When, however, the shot came he kept still, instinctively knowing not to make anything worse. The extraction wasn’t short, as the tooth squeezed between two growing new ones broke. So it took a little longer for the dentist to get everything out. Not much longer, but still more than just pulling the tooth out. Robert was patient.  Sometimes, he raised his head more to check what was going on then to escape. But then Jan and I were on both sides of Robert holding his arms so there was no point of attempting to wiggle out of the situation. After that visit, others went much easier. The matter of fact, each visit was easier. I could go to the dentist without Jan.  I held Robert’s hands more for emotional support than as a way of restraining him.

Maybe it helped that with the dentist’s approval we could take pictures of the tools and the whole procedures.  The pictures, when I look at them now, seem rather gross, but they provided a lot of needed information for Robert.

We liked this dentist a lot.  Still, when I noticed that Robert tolerates all the procedures pretty well, I decided to return to the old practice.  It was not just because of the distance, I wanted Robert to get used to different dentists and different dentists get used to Robert.

When Robert was 13 years old, the X-ray showed that one of the tooth is growing sideways, pushing on the root of another tooth. There were two options – to take out the tooth or to put braces on the upper teeth.  We chose braces.  Surprisingly, Robert tolerated the terrible molding substance in his mouth beautifully.  That shouldn’t be a surprise. The years of pica, putting inedible objects in his mouth, brought unexpected benefits. Robert didn’t mind this molding substance in his mouth.  After all, it felt like silly putty or play dough – two things his mouth was well acquainted with. it took many visits, but the tooth came out as straight as it should.

As the time pass, the dental hygienists became more and more used to Robert.  As they did with typical children, they called Robert and asked me to stay in the waiting room.  I was called only later to talk to the dentist following the exam.

Yes, today, I stayed with Robert while he had his teeth cleaned and X-rays taken. But it was a completely new place with a new hygienist and a new dentist.  My presence was as much for their benefit as for Robert’s.

Before the appointment, I stated that Robert tends to close all opened drawers and cabinets even if that means getting out of the dental chair in the middle of any procedure. well, he didn’t get out of the chair, but pointed to the not completely  (quarter of inch was left of perfect alignment) closed drawer and kept repeating, “Close, close.”  When I closed the drawer, satisfied Robert put his head on a chair and let the hygienist finish her work.

By the way, no need for any tooth repairs. Next visit in six month.

I do think that the need for a lot of dental work to be done when Robert was younger might be a result of using too much sweets as reinforcers during ABA therapy. Later chips were introduced, but that led to stomach problems.

February 4-5, 2015

It is harder and harder for me to continue with this blog. It might be that since Robert goes to his Day Program every day and is 8 hours out of the house, I do have less opportunity to observe him and teach him.  It might be that the fact that he comes home happy every day, makes me feel less needed and thus less invested in teaching him and explaining his ways of perceiving the world. It might be that the recent times have been relatively hectic and thus I had less time to record our learning/teaching time together. It might be that I have forgotten the reasons I started this blog and became disconnected. Not exactly that.  Recently, our hours of studying together became haphazard.  It is not much continuity there.  But then, Robert’s learning was never a simple process of accumulating knowledge and skills. Mostly because, I didn’t know how to teach him. There were times when good advice from teachers and therapists could put me on track for period of time. Sadly, never for long. There were great curricula, that engaged both of us for a period of time, showing directions and offering some tools. But they were more like short segments or vectors than  a never ending geometric ray.  As soon as we hit a bump, we jumped from one approach to another.  Then, we tried again a year or two later.  So lately, we have not done anything radically different from what we had done before.

Robert stayed the whole week at home. There were snow days and sick days and again snow days.    Robert mostly slept and watched movies on his IPAD.  When he felt a little better he kept learning with me.  Surprisingly, he didn’t seem to mind one little bit.  Maybe because he considered his tasks to be easy and more reason to glow with pride than to struggle with understanding.

1. We returned to the old curricula: No Glamour Sentence Structure NO Glamour Question Structure. We completed them 4-5 years ago.  But this time it went much more smoothly. For each section Robert grasped a pattern of words from just one example and easily generated proper sentences.

2. We returned to Daily Geography Grade 4. Only a few stumbles there and they all were related to the sections I had omitted during the first approach.

3. We worked on reviewing operations on whole numbers, fractions, and decimals. I didn’t use the old Momentum Math program but instead I presented to Robert loose pages from the old edition of 6th grade Everyday Mathematics and a few other workbooks. Since Robert could very well subtract a mixed number from the whole number I went one step farther. I asked Robert to do all the operation in his mind without writing them on paper.  For instance: 6- 3 1/4= 5 4/4-3 1/4=2 3/4 (The numbers in bold are the whole numbers, the rest are fractions). I asked Robert not to write the middle part but keep it in his head or/and say it aloud. That went pretty well.

4.We went back to copying the same drawings, we did a couple of years ago.  Robert still struggled with oval shapes (too flat or too round) especially when the arches ended with a sharp corner. This time however, Robert after making two or three copies tried to draw the object from his memory.  He remembered most of the parts but those ovals didn’t come well.

5. We jumped to a higher level science workbooks and textbooks.  We both stumbled there.  I didn’t know how to introduce the concepts so we both struggled.  In the end, I just concentrate on the meaning of new words and not on the whole processes.

6. Cursive writing with an emphasis on a capital letters we neglected years ago.  I am still baffled by the fact, that Robert can copy even such letters like capital G but cannot copy a simple contour of a body of a fish (without fins or a tail).

7. We did a few History Pockets in the past. The last one, Ancient Civilizations,  Robert completed just before he joined his Day Program.  Since at that time, Robert was still at home, we had lots of time and could finish each of the six packet in one day. This week,  I hesitated with starting Colonial America.  It had difficult vocabulary and addressed events that Robert probably couldn’t grasp. So we worked slowly in three afternoons. Moreover, we didn’t follow instruction exactly and instead of a pocket we made a folder. I was very surprised when Robert decided to take the completed folder to his Day Program.  I was surprised because in the past, Robert has never wanted to take History Pockets to school.  I soon learned that it was his Case Manager/Instructor in the Day Program who read Robert’s note in which he mentioned that he was learning about 13 Colonies and who asked him about that. Robert, who hardly can explain anything with his own words felt obliged to bring the whole folder and show it to the Instructor. Moreover, not a week later, Robert rushed with next pocket about first settlements completing it in two days and again taking it again to his Day Program. He wanted to show off.

Showing Off!  Robert!!

It has never happened before.

Never.

For the first time in his life, Robert was not only proud of his work but also  wanted to share his accomplishment with those who appreciated it.

February 3, 2015

Last week, Robert was sick and said so. This is a huge, HUGE progress.

In the past, I had to deduce from Robert’s behavior if he was sick and what  could be hurting him. That was not easy, as Robert couldn’t locate the pain.  When I asked, “Does your stomach hurts.” He would say, “Yes”.  However, when I continued asking about lungs, throat, or head, Robert would have confirmed that each of these body parts was hurting as well.  I knew that he had to be sick when he lost appetite or when he didn’t want to go for a walk. ( He always wants to go for walks.) I knew that when he screamed it was because he was in a terrible pain.  The reason I knew that the pain had to be terrible was that Robert’s never complained when he scraped his knee or bumped into something.  I knew the pain was very bad, but I didn’t know what was hurting.  Robert couldn’t really help with the diagnosis. I assumed that for him the pain was like something attacking him from within his body and that drove him mad.  I still remember him jumping out of the bed in the middle of the night, screaming, and hitting his own head with the full force of both hands.  I tried to hug him in a way that would prevent him striking his head, he pushed me away.  No, he didn’t strike me, he wanted to hit HIS head not mine.

I still didn’t know what was hurting, but I know that it was NOT AUTISM that caused this behavior.  It was the pain and the lack of ability to communicate his pain to others. I usually assumed that it was either gases in his stomach, asthma, or headache and I gave Robert Metamucil crackers with water, Advil or Motrin, and Albuterol inhaler to address all three possibilities.

(Of course, there were times when Robert’s pain was caused by other things and it took a long time to find out what it exactly was.)

The fact that last week, Robert kept saying, “Doctor, doctor”, was of huge importance.  It was the first time, Robert not only let us know that he was sick, but wanted us to do something about it.

I suspect that locating the pain was still difficult to Robert, as he was answering, “Tongue, tongue” when asked what hurt.  His tongue seemed fine. But it was something in his mouth.  Anyway, we went to see a doctor.  Robert got an antibiotic and slept for a few hours. After he woke up, he asked for a doctor two more times, but without the tone of urgency so characteristic to the previous day. After good night sleep, although still relatively weak, Robert had to feel better judging by the fact that he interspersed sleeping with some eating.

January 29, 2015

Today Robert completed Part B of Reasoning and Writing.  It was the second time around.  His grasp on most of the presented concepts seemed much more solid.  Robert and I learned a lot from this curriculum. I have already written many times how this curriculum helped Robert to learn to think by very thoughtful introduction of many concepts.

The most important benefit, however, was that I learned to read to Robert and Robert learned to listen.

Robert learned to read many years before he learned to listen.  He could decipher words when he was five years old.  He could match words to pictures, he could decode words on the 3-4 grade level.  But he didn’t want to listen to anybody reading or telling him a story.  When my husband or I tried to read to him in his bed, he kept taking book from us, read it by himself, and quickly be done with all of that. It is impossible to know what he gained from such approach.

When I first looked at Part A of Reasoning and Writing, I was sure it would be extremely difficult, if not entirely impossible, to keep Robert listening as I read rather long parts of stories included in the Instruction Book.  That had never happened before. But I jumped head first following directions as closely as possible.  Robert survived at his chair till the end of my reading. Of course, there were intervals when I asked questions or made comments the Instruction Book told me to.  I am not sure wow much he understood from that first reading, but as the time went by, there  were new opportunities to recount the stories and/or read them again. There were stories about Paul who painted everything pink or purple, Roger who kept leaving his hat in one place only to find it somewhere else, about Bragging Rats who always argued, Robot named Bleep whose tendency to move screws in his head kept resulting in one or another kind of speech impairment.  The last story was about Queen of Garbo who didn’t want to listen but learned any way.  Except she learned so-called “hard way.”  I read four parts of the story over Sunday and Monday.  And Robert listened. He listened,  He followed Queen’s steps up the south side of the mountain and down the mountain on its east side.  He listened as I read about Saint Bernard’s coming to the rescue of the Queen and her greyhounds. He listened.

I am not sure how much he learned.  I stopped reading a few times to comment or ask Robert questions that would clarify the understanding.  I repeated some of the sections.  We looked at the drawing of Queen’s footprints in the workbook.  We saw how Saint Bernard’s were lowered down the ledge with the help of a stake and a rope. He listened.

Sadly, Part C of Reasoning and Writing  doesn’t contain any stories.  It focuses on different skills – mainly on writing.  (Some of those skills were already introduced in the part B).  But as I kept reading to Robert I also kept learning how to read to him.  I will go on with reading, even if Robert can read by himself.

January 18, 2015

Robert learned to write printed letters with the help of Sensible Pencil Curriculum and with help and determined guidance of his teachers from Private School.  Later, he did almost all exercises from the first part and many from the second part of Write from the Start.     They helped him with eye-hand coordination and  understanding directions and patterns. That also helped Robert to learn later simplified cursive from Handwriting Without Tears.

With the exception of producing in cursive some of the capital letters, Robert has become quite a good writer.  This hasn’t been the case with drawing.

I believe that this is my fault as I mostly taught him to copy simple pictures.  Nothing wrong with copying as the first phase of teaching to draw.  But everything is wrong if there is no next step.

It had to be said that Robert had huge problems with drawing even simplest shapes like triangle or rectangle. Where there should be an angle, Robert always drew an arch. The reason for that was, that he couldn’t stop himself in the corner even for a fraction of the second to change the direction of the line from horizontal to vertical or oblique. At first, I tried to teach him stopping, but that was hard.  Then I asked him to first  draw points in the corners of a triangle or a rectangle and then connect them.  That made a huge difference.  Somehow Robert grasped (understood or felt) that he was connecting corner points. For a very long time he was using this strategy (without prompting) to draw shapes. Even today when asked to draw a five point star, he begins with drawing five well spaced points and then connecting in continuous movement of the pencil.

Robert can copy simple drawing. For more complex pictures, he relies on sequences of partial drawings demonstrating steps needed to complete the picture. This way, he can draw people, houses, animals, vehicles and many other things.

BUT

Until now, I have never asked Robert to recreate those same steps from his memory.

Just today, I realized what I neglected to do to take Robert to the next level in drawing.

Today, like many times before, Robert was presented with a task of drawing something by following four presented to him steps.  It was a duck floating on the water.  I asked Robert to tell me what he would draw first, what next, and what would be last.  He did just that and then completed the picture. He wiped it off. (He used erasable marker.) I covered the picture (All the steps that is), and Robert began, then stopped and waited.  I let him look at  the model again.  He looked then finished the drawing. I asked him to do it again.  This time he finished without peeking. However, when I closed the book, gave Robert paper and a pencil and asked him to draw a duck, Robert seemed confused. He drew the duck, as he used to do before. Very schematic if not primitive drawing. As if changing the circumstances in which the task was supposed to be completed erased previous lesson.   When I opened the book again and  let Robert take a quick look at the duck, he was quick to  draw the duck following all the steps from the original instruction.

However, I am not sure if he could draw the duck if I ask him now.  I think, it would take a few more trials before Robert memorizes and organizes all the steps in his mind.  I think, I will concentrate for a few more days on just drawing the same duck until Robert without help of the model would draw a pond full of ducks.

If I remember correctly, while learning to write, Robert was practicing one letter at a time. This is not what was going on with learning to draw pictures.  Maybe, simple shapes, but not pictures.  He copied one picture ones, then the other also one time, and so on. He has never had a chance to memorize all the elements needed for the drawing of any of the pictures he copied.  But memorizing is important, as it carries the picture from the page to the student’s mind.  Remembering all the elements of one picture would allow for understanding and reconstruction of its structure. More generally it might lead to increased ability to notice the structures of other pictures as well. 

I know that Robert has difficulties with short memory. Working on memorizing how to draw a particular picture would be a great exercise.  It would not only help Robert to draw better  but also to use his brain.  Despite knowing so much, Robert still doesn’t trust his own mind. Learning to use his memory might be one more way to teach him to depend on what he knows and not only on what he sees or hears around.

January 16, 2015

I have just printed worksheets for the last five units from Reasoning and Writing part B. This is the second time around Robert and I learned from this curriculum. A few years ago, we approached it for the first time.  This time it was easier. The concepts seemed familiar to Robert so we mostly ironed some wrinkly details. Of course, in a year or two, it might be beneficial for Robert to redo some of the same exercises.  Then, I won’t make any more copies, but use the original, colorful workbook.

As we worked on units 64 and 65, Robert and I encountered the concept of one-track mind. With the help of the crow named Caw-Caw and Dooley the Duck, Robert learned to find place  on the map that was south of one point and north of another. While Robert didn’t have problems going north OR south of a given place, he did have difficulties stopping at the point in between two places north of A and south of B.  The arrows he drew went past A when he was going south (and thus he ended up south of A) or past B when he was going north and thus he ended up north of B.)

Without the help of the curriculum, I would not realize that the task of finding a point in between demanded a different state of mind, as it was VERY different concept than just going south or just going north.

That means that I also have a one-track mind, which doesn’t  really grasp the differences in appropriating concepts.  What is a simple extension of known ideas for me, is a new challenge for   Robert.  I have to remember I am not teaching myself.  I am teaching Robert. And I have to find the point in the middle.

January 1, 2015

In the last couple months, I have not been writing much.  The truth is, I have to force myself to write. It has been much more difficult for me to untangle the knot of everyday small events to make a chain of clear, singular topics.  I feel unable to choose what to write about and what lesson  I, or anyone else, can deduce from singular episodes. The events that describe my, our, struggles and failures mix with episodes  that show  progress. But the progress is evasive and struggles are as easily forgotten as bad dreams in a daylight.   I don’t even know from which angle I should present our ups and downs. Moreover, I am not sure if ups are ups or downs are downs.  It all depends  on causes and effects.  Those, however, still remain murky as Robert never explains himself.

1. I made an apple pie and baked one sheet of  cookies.  I was afraid that if I baked too many cookies, Robert would eat them all. So I left a pound of dough for the next day. The dough disappeared.  Completely! Between 4PM and 11AM of the next day, it evaporated. Robert ate it.  I don’t know when. I don’t know how he managed to take a ball of dough and consume it. Nobody noticed anything. I was in the kitchen most of the day.  I didn’t see Robert around the refrigerator even once. It is not funny.  Next day, he was extremely cranky and angry.  I knew his stomach hurt.  But then, he said nothing.  So maybe there was another reason.

2. I wasn’t sure if I made a right decision in November when despite Robert protests, I refused to replace the bed sheet I gave to our guests with another one. Yes, it would be the easiest way to calm Robert who kept  insisting (INSISTING!) every 10 or 15 minutes that I take back the blue sheet and give the guests a white one.  In his mind, the blue sheet was supposed to be only for my bed while the white one was for anybody.  There is not hiding the fact that Robert’s  obsessive protests tainted the visit.  I explained to our guests the problem and the reason I felt I shouldn’t give up.  They understood and were supportive.  But I wasn’t really sure if I made a correct decision.  Two weeks later,  the sheet was torn apart in the laundry.  I had to throw it away together with another one.  I cut both of them  into smaller rags. Robert didn’t mind.  He put them in a plastic container with other rags to be used for cleaning. Another week later, Robert didn’t mind that we replaced old mattress with a new one. HUGE!  I am sure, that had I not withheld Robert’s protests in regards to the blue sheet, the both events would cause much more dramatic reactions.

3. With Robert’s sister and grandmother visiting, I had much less time to spend with Robert. The good thing was that Amanda, Jan, and Grandma kept him at least partially occupied. He went skiing to Vermont.  He went for walks.  He went to movies.  Still, I felt Robert was neglected. Maybe that is why during one boring afternoon, he ate the dough.  Not good.  Maybe that is why he found his  IPAD to be appealing again and watched Scrooge in three different adaptations of Christmas Carol. Not bad.

4. Today, I presented Robert with two workbooks bought by his sister. One about counting money, one about telling time.  The first ten or more pages were very easy.  Almost mechanical, but not exactly.  The workbook on time progressed in almost miniscule steps. Robert could work by himself for almost an hour. Huge.

5.  We all had champagne in our glasses.  Robert had too.  With a strike of midnight, each of us took a sip.  Robert too.  Then, he ran to the sink and  spit it out. Oh well.

December 24, 2014

Almost every year, a few days before Christmas, Amanda helped Robert to build a gingerbread house. She didn’t bake gingerbread but used kits purchased in stores. I am not sure if she really cherished that experience. I am not entirely convinced that Robert liked that activity.  For them, because of my insistence, it was the thing you had to do before Christmas. And it was not always easy. Making frosting by mixing powder with water could result in a watery disaster and a big mess. Often, Robert didn’t follow directions correctly. He pushed too hard, too little, or in the wrong direction and the structure collapsed. They had to start again. How frustrating!. But year after year they did it.

This year, I bought the Gingerbread Village Kit.  Robert opened it a day after Amanda came home. But he didn’t bother Amanda by insisting they do it that day.   He just waited patiently.  And waited.  Finely, this morning, they sat together at the dinner table.  We, the parents, joined them too.   Amanda, the experienced builder, was in charge. Robert attentively followed all the suggestions.  Over the years he learned by experience how much frosting he should apply and how much pressure he should use to make sure that the walls stick together. Jan and I felt slightly overwhelmed. We did not always know what to do.  We were  not much more than spectators. Still, our performing  children appreciated our admiration. That is right.  We couldn’t help but admire Amanda’s ability to show the way and Robert’s focus and efforts.  Mostly, however, we were touched by Amanda’s and Robert’s ability to smoothly and efficiently work in tandem.

December 31, 2014

This afternoon, Robert with Jan’s and my help (Amanda is back in France.) built four gingerbread sleighs.  Jan helped with structures and I helped with decorations. But our inputs were almost negligent as Robert was almost independent. If he was not completely independent, it was because we, his parents, wanted to be in involved too and thus we interfered with Robert’s creations. Luckily, he didn’t mind.

January 3, 2015.

As of this morning all four sleighs lost their gummy Santas to Robert’s stomach. The candies decorating gingerbread cottages and sleighs are gone too. Oh well, till the next year.

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