The difficulties I encounter while trying to explain past problems and successes in Robert’s education stem from the facts that they happened many years ago. The time, obviously, tainted my memory. Moreover, the effects of particular methods and attitudes on Robert’s development seemed to fluctuate over time.

It was hard to assess, at a given point in time, what helped, what was neutral, and what, sadly, slowed or even hampered Robert’s growth. Often, the LATER-SEEN EFFECTS forced me to asses the varied educational methods and attitudes in a new light.

I purposefully used terms “methods and attitudes” as I had found out long ago that “attitudes” were as important as “methods” in affecting Robert’s development.

Robert’s teachers/therapists were as baffled as I was by the fact that Robert was unable to point to even one correct picture when asked by his therapists to do so, but he was successfully pointing to almost 50 pictures when demand was given by a computer voice from the program First Words. I quickly came up with the explanation. I argued that Robert’s hearing was so sharp that for him even slight differences in the therapist’s utterances sounded completely different, while the computer voice was always the same.

It took me a few more months to realized how wrong I was. After I found out using the Shaffer set of picture cards that Robert has receptive knowledge of more than 50 words, I visited the program to ask to check if I was right. Two therapists confirmed that Robert pointed correctly to many words.

Unfortunately, they still didn’t seem completely convinced, and one of the therapists said: “To make sure that that HE REALLY KNOWS the words, we will practice with him just three words: ‘table, chair, and bed.'” And so they did practice. Every day a few sessions of 10 questions in a row, asking for one of those three words. Robert had to point to one of the two out of three. It was always one of the same three pictures. If he answered correctly he was given a piece of cracker or a candy and then asked again and again and again.

A few months passed, now at home Robert could point correctly to over 100 pictures (From Shaffer, sets 1 and 2) but he hesitated and was wrong while asked about….

You guessed it. “Bed, Table, or Chair.”

So it was not Robert’s hypersensitivity to vocal utterances that stopped him from learning from his therapists, but it was the difference in methods. The computer program was giving Robert pairs (maybe later three pictures even, I don’t remember it too well) chosen from 50 words. When Robert answered correctly, the other pair was presented. When he was wrong, the computer gave him the correct answer and went on.

Of course, I was mad that so much time was wasted impeding learning but I understood that everybody, including therapists, was learning as well. Still, I wish there were some scientific minds analyzing the way Robert was learning or not learning. Maybe then many errors in educating Robert could be avoided.

As for the attitudes.

As he started the ABA program, Robert had two therapists working with him. One was very well-trained. Yet it was the new, not so well-trained therapist who helped Robert make the first breakthrough with a processing a couple of first receptive labels uttered by a human, not a computer.

Both therapists kept rewarding Robert with proper reinforcers; be it pieces of chips or the words “great job.” But a new therapist was so happy every time Robert answered properly and so disappointed when he was wrong that her feelings affected Robert. He read her feelings and learned from them more than from the used and overused reinforcers.

I have to state very clearly that the word “helplessness” doesn’t relates to my son, Robert. It relates to the people and, institutions, which held and still hold the power to make decisions about Robert’s education and his life and thus were and are partially responsible for his current state and his wellbeing. .Unfortunately, that power was used to undermine, ignore. and /or deny my suggestions or requests.

In May of 2005, Robert attended T- Collaborative. It was his second year there and it wasn’t going well. The previous year the same program was pretty good for him. But from year to the next everything changed. The experienced, well trained teacher’s aides left to pursue more challenging opportunities. The new ones were not sure what were their roles and mostly were seating next to Robert as motionless as Egyptian relief sculptures. The old aides welcomed him warmly when they saw him approaching the school building, while the new ones seemed to scurry quickly pretending not to see him.

Robert didn’t like the program. I knew that despite the fact that his OCD was forcing him to go there every day. As we approached the building Robert walked slower and slower. His steps heavier and heavier. NO, he didn’t like the program, and the people there didn’t like him either. And he knew it.

One day, he behaved badly ( I still don’t know what he did exactly) and he was expelled to another room. It was a large room in a mobile unit. I was told that he was crying and banging on the window. That was a window with the glass loosely attached to the metal frame. More like a storm window, than a solid window in a regular school building. Robert cried, banged, and broke it.

No, he didn’t hurt himself, but he was suspended for a week.

Since he was suspended, the teachers, administrators of the school, the Collaborative, and the Department of Mental Retardation (as Department of Developmental Services was called then) had to meet with us, parents. I didn’t complain that Robert, who was clearly in distress, was left unattended in an empty room and could hurt himself very badly. Maybe there were reasons for that I didn’t complain about suspension, although given Robert’s diagnosis was illegal. I though the week at home would help Robert recover from emotional residues of the incident.

I didn’t complain.

I begged. I begged. I really begged all the attendees to find a different program for Robert. I begged over and over, but everybody there was firm that the different program wasn’t needed. Seemed that everybody there like Robert and wanted the best for him.

I felt hopeless, but then I started believing that maybe the teachers in this program, really can help him to adjust better and learn more.

I hoped.

But a few weeks later, the T Collaborative shut the door for Robert. I couldn’t understand it. There was no other incident that would have given me any idea that this was coming.

The main teacher, Julie X, told me in her slightly irritated tone (over the phone) that everything was legal, because they just didn’t want him in the summer program. And that is different than year long program. That this was all legal. Of course it wasn’t. It was a cruel thing to do and it was illegal.

Of course, Robert shouldn’t stay in the program where his teachers didn’t like him. Where his teachers displayed compassionless manipulativeness. Where he was never understood. He shouldn’t. Still, facing that reality was very hard on us, his parents, and it certainly had some negative effect on Robert. He dealt with it in his own wordless way. Wordless thus very damaging.

Many times I felt powerless when I couldn’t prevent problems with Robert’s education, problems that were caused by specific methods of teaching. But at that time, I at least knew, that the teachers tried to do their best as they perceived it. But with T Collaborative the sheer cruelty of the teachers, cruelty aimed at Robert really knocked me down.