January 29, 2015

Today Robert completed Part B of Reasoning and Writing.  It was the second time around.  His grasp on most of the presented concepts seemed much more solid.  Robert and I learned a lot from this curriculum. I have already written many times how this curriculum helped Robert to learn to think by very thoughtful introduction of many concepts.

The most important benefit, however, was that I learned to read to Robert and Robert learned to listen.

Robert learned to read many years before he learned to listen.  He could decipher words when he was five years old.  He could match words to pictures, he could decode words on the 3-4 grade level.  But he didn’t want to listen to anybody reading or telling him a story.  When my husband or I tried to read to him in his bed, he kept taking book from us, read it by himself, and quickly be done with all of that. It is impossible to know what he gained from such approach.

When I first looked at Part A of Reasoning and Writing, I was sure it would be extremely difficult, if not entirely impossible, to keep Robert listening as I read rather long parts of stories included in the Instruction Book.  That had never happened before. But I jumped head first following directions as closely as possible.  Robert survived at his chair till the end of my reading. Of course, there were intervals when I asked questions or made comments the Instruction Book told me to.  I am not sure wow much he understood from that first reading, but as the time went by, there  were new opportunities to recount the stories and/or read them again. There were stories about Paul who painted everything pink or purple, Roger who kept leaving his hat in one place only to find it somewhere else, about Bragging Rats who always argued, Robot named Bleep whose tendency to move screws in his head kept resulting in one or another kind of speech impairment.  The last story was about Queen of Garbo who didn’t want to listen but learned any way.  Except she learned so-called “hard way.”  I read four parts of the story over Sunday and Monday.  And Robert listened. He listened,  He followed Queen’s steps up the south side of the mountain and down the mountain on its east side.  He listened as I read about Saint Bernard’s coming to the rescue of the Queen and her greyhounds. He listened.

I am not sure how much he learned.  I stopped reading a few times to comment or ask Robert questions that would clarify the understanding.  I repeated some of the sections.  We looked at the drawing of Queen’s footprints in the workbook.  We saw how Saint Bernard’s were lowered down the ledge with the help of a stake and a rope. He listened.

Sadly, Part C of Reasoning and Writing  doesn’t contain any stories.  It focuses on different skills – mainly on writing.  (Some of those skills were already introduced in the part B).  But as I kept reading to Robert I also kept learning how to read to him.  I will go on with reading, even if Robert can read by himself.

January 18, 2015

Robert learned to write printed letters with the help of Sensible Pencil Curriculum and with help and determined guidance of his teachers from Private School.  Later, he did almost all exercises from the first part and many from the second part of Write from the Start.     They helped him with eye-hand coordination and  understanding directions and patterns. That also helped Robert to learn later simplified cursive from Handwriting Without Tears.

With the exception of producing in cursive some of the capital letters, Robert has become quite a good writer.  This hasn’t been the case with drawing.

I believe that this is my fault as I mostly taught him to copy simple pictures.  Nothing wrong with copying as the first phase of teaching to draw.  But everything is wrong if there is no next step.

It had to be said that Robert had huge problems with drawing even simplest shapes like triangle or rectangle. Where there should be an angle, Robert always drew an arch. The reason for that was, that he couldn’t stop himself in the corner even for a fraction of the second to change the direction of the line from horizontal to vertical or oblique. At first, I tried to teach him stopping, but that was hard.  Then I asked him to first  draw points in the corners of a triangle or a rectangle and then connect them.  That made a huge difference.  Somehow Robert grasped (understood or felt) that he was connecting corner points. For a very long time he was using this strategy (without prompting) to draw shapes. Even today when asked to draw a five point star, he begins with drawing five well spaced points and then connecting in continuous movement of the pencil.

Robert can copy simple drawing. For more complex pictures, he relies on sequences of partial drawings demonstrating steps needed to complete the picture. This way, he can draw people, houses, animals, vehicles and many other things.

BUT

Until now, I have never asked Robert to recreate those same steps from his memory.

Just today, I realized what I neglected to do to take Robert to the next level in drawing.

Today, like many times before, Robert was presented with a task of drawing something by following four presented to him steps.  It was a duck floating on the water.  I asked Robert to tell me what he would draw first, what next, and what would be last.  He did just that and then completed the picture. He wiped it off. (He used erasable marker.) I covered the picture (All the steps that is), and Robert began, then stopped and waited.  I let him look at  the model again.  He looked then finished the drawing. I asked him to do it again.  This time he finished without peeking. However, when I closed the book, gave Robert paper and a pencil and asked him to draw a duck, Robert seemed confused. He drew the duck, as he used to do before. Very schematic if not primitive drawing. As if changing the circumstances in which the task was supposed to be completed erased previous lesson.   When I opened the book again and  let Robert take a quick look at the duck, he was quick to  draw the duck following all the steps from the original instruction.

However, I am not sure if he could draw the duck if I ask him now.  I think, it would take a few more trials before Robert memorizes and organizes all the steps in his mind.  I think, I will concentrate for a few more days on just drawing the same duck until Robert without help of the model would draw a pond full of ducks.

If I remember correctly, while learning to write, Robert was practicing one letter at a time. This is not what was going on with learning to draw pictures.  Maybe, simple shapes, but not pictures.  He copied one picture ones, then the other also one time, and so on. He has never had a chance to memorize all the elements needed for the drawing of any of the pictures he copied.  But memorizing is important, as it carries the picture from the page to the student’s mind.  Remembering all the elements of one picture would allow for understanding and reconstruction of its structure. More generally it might lead to increased ability to notice the structures of other pictures as well. 

I know that Robert has difficulties with short memory. Working on memorizing how to draw a particular picture would be a great exercise.  It would not only help Robert to draw better  but also to use his brain.  Despite knowing so much, Robert still doesn’t trust his own mind. Learning to use his memory might be one more way to teach him to depend on what he knows and not only on what he sees or hears around.

January 16, 2015

I have just printed worksheets for the last five units from Reasoning and Writing part B. This is the second time around Robert and I learned from this curriculum. A few years ago, we approached it for the first time.  This time it was easier. The concepts seemed familiar to Robert so we mostly ironed some wrinkly details. Of course, in a year or two, it might be beneficial for Robert to redo some of the same exercises.  Then, I won’t make any more copies, but use the original, colorful workbook.

As we worked on units 64 and 65, Robert and I encountered the concept of one-track mind. With the help of the crow named Caw-Caw and Dooley the Duck, Robert learned to find place  on the map that was south of one point and north of another. While Robert didn’t have problems going north OR south of a given place, he did have difficulties stopping at the point in between two places north of A and south of B.  The arrows he drew went past A when he was going south (and thus he ended up south of A) or past B when he was going north and thus he ended up north of B.)

Without the help of the curriculum, I would not realize that the task of finding a point in between demanded a different state of mind, as it was VERY different concept than just going south or just going north.

That means that I also have a one-track mind, which doesn’t  really grasp the differences in appropriating concepts.  What is a simple extension of known ideas for me, is a new challenge for   Robert.  I have to remember I am not teaching myself.  I am teaching Robert. And I have to find the point in the middle.

January 1, 2015

In the last couple months, I have not been writing much.  The truth is, I have to force myself to write. It has been much more difficult for me to untangle the knot of everyday small events to make a chain of clear, singular topics.  I feel unable to choose what to write about and what lesson  I, or anyone else, can deduce from singular episodes. The events that describe my, our, struggles and failures mix with episodes  that show  progress. But the progress is evasive and struggles are as easily forgotten as bad dreams in a daylight.   I don’t even know from which angle I should present our ups and downs. Moreover, I am not sure if ups are ups or downs are downs.  It all depends  on causes and effects.  Those, however, still remain murky as Robert never explains himself.

1. I made an apple pie and baked one sheet of  cookies.  I was afraid that if I baked too many cookies, Robert would eat them all. So I left a pound of dough for the next day. The dough disappeared.  Completely! Between 4PM and 11AM of the next day, it evaporated. Robert ate it.  I don’t know when. I don’t know how he managed to take a ball of dough and consume it. Nobody noticed anything. I was in the kitchen most of the day.  I didn’t see Robert around the refrigerator even once. It is not funny.  Next day, he was extremely cranky and angry.  I knew his stomach hurt.  But then, he said nothing.  So maybe there was another reason.

2. I wasn’t sure if I made a right decision in November when despite Robert protests, I refused to replace the bed sheet I gave to our guests with another one. Yes, it would be the easiest way to calm Robert who kept  insisting (INSISTING!) every 10 or 15 minutes that I take back the blue sheet and give the guests a white one.  In his mind, the blue sheet was supposed to be only for my bed while the white one was for anybody.  There is not hiding the fact that Robert’s  obsessive protests tainted the visit.  I explained to our guests the problem and the reason I felt I shouldn’t give up.  They understood and were supportive.  But I wasn’t really sure if I made a correct decision.  Two weeks later,  the sheet was torn apart in the laundry.  I had to throw it away together with another one.  I cut both of them  into smaller rags. Robert didn’t mind.  He put them in a plastic container with other rags to be used for cleaning. Another week later, Robert didn’t mind that we replaced old mattress with a new one. HUGE!  I am sure, that had I not withheld Robert’s protests in regards to the blue sheet, the both events would cause much more dramatic reactions.

3. With Robert’s sister and grandmother visiting, I had much less time to spend with Robert. The good thing was that Amanda, Jan, and Grandma kept him at least partially occupied. He went skiing to Vermont.  He went for walks.  He went to movies.  Still, I felt Robert was neglected. Maybe that is why during one boring afternoon, he ate the dough.  Not good.  Maybe that is why he found his  IPAD to be appealing again and watched Scrooge in three different adaptations of Christmas Carol. Not bad.

4. Today, I presented Robert with two workbooks bought by his sister. One about counting money, one about telling time.  The first ten or more pages were very easy.  Almost mechanical, but not exactly.  The workbook on time progressed in almost miniscule steps. Robert could work by himself for almost an hour. Huge.

5.  We all had champagne in our glasses.  Robert had too.  With a strike of midnight, each of us took a sip.  Robert too.  Then, he ran to the sink and  spit it out. Oh well.

December 24, 2014

Almost every year, a few days before Christmas, Amanda helped Robert to build a gingerbread house. She didn’t bake gingerbread but used kits purchased in stores. I am not sure if she really cherished that experience. I am not entirely convinced that Robert liked that activity.  For them, because of my insistence, it was the thing you had to do before Christmas. And it was not always easy. Making frosting by mixing powder with water could result in a watery disaster and a big mess. Often, Robert didn’t follow directions correctly. He pushed too hard, too little, or in the wrong direction and the structure collapsed. They had to start again. How frustrating!. But year after year they did it.

This year, I bought the Gingerbread Village Kit.  Robert opened it a day after Amanda came home. But he didn’t bother Amanda by insisting they do it that day.   He just waited patiently.  And waited.  Finely, this morning, they sat together at the dinner table.  We, the parents, joined them too.   Amanda, the experienced builder, was in charge. Robert attentively followed all the suggestions.  Over the years he learned by experience how much frosting he should apply and how much pressure he should use to make sure that the walls stick together. Jan and I felt slightly overwhelmed. We did not always know what to do.  We were  not much more than spectators. Still, our performing  children appreciated our admiration. That is right.  We couldn’t help but admire Amanda’s ability to show the way and Robert’s focus and efforts.  Mostly, however, we were touched by Amanda’s and Robert’s ability to smoothly and efficiently work in tandem.

December 31, 2014

This afternoon, Robert with Jan’s and my help (Amanda is back in France.) built four gingerbread sleighs.  Jan helped with structures and I helped with decorations. But our inputs were almost negligent as Robert was almost independent. If he was not completely independent, it was because we, his parents, wanted to be in involved too and thus we interfered with Robert’s creations. Luckily, he didn’t mind.

January 3, 2015.

As of this morning all four sleighs lost their gummy Santas to Robert’s stomach. The candies decorating gingerbread cottages and sleighs are gone too. Oh well, till the next year.

.

December 2, 2014

A few days ago, Robert again “read my mind”.  At this point, I will write without quotation marks and state plainly, “Robert read my mind.” He was supposed to answer a simple”yes and no” question.  Very simple.  I am sure he was capable of providing correct “yes” response.  I was so sure, that I dared to THINK  “NO”, believing that THIS TIME my thinking would not affect Robert’s reasoning.

But Robert answered “NO” .

We read one or two sentences prior to the question.  They were SOOOO simple. The question was simple and the answer was obvious.

Still, I KEPT THINKING, “NO” and Robert followed with “NO”.

I asked again, covering my mouth.  I knew that all too often Robert gets clue from watching my face.  I kept thinking “No” and Robert followed with “NO”.

I let some time pass before returning to the same question again.  Meantime I asked similar question while Robert and I were busy folding laundry.  Robert answered correctly.

We returned to the worksheet.  I asked again.  I covered my face again, leaving only eyes uncovered.  I kept thinking, “NO”.  I felt the confusion growing on Robert’s face.  Still, he felt compelled to follow my thinking.  He said. “NO”.

I am not gloating about Robert’s ability to read my mind.  I am deeply disturbed by that skill.  I have been trying for almost 20 years now, to extinguish that “talent”.  Almost 20 years ago, I discovered that Robert was answering correctly the questions he didn’t know answer to. He knew, however, what I knew.  I wrote about this phenomenon in two previous posts:  Teaching as Dismantling and ” Unclear on Yes and No, Following Body Language. When he was three, he deduced from unnoticeable to me movements of my arms what was the correct response.  My mind was talking to Robert through my arms.  I noticed that and redesigned the format of asking any questions from that point on.  Then I noticed, that my mind speaks to Robert through the way my mouth is silently shaping itself to produce the sound of the first letter. I kept covering my mouth when asking questions.  But Robert keeps reading my mind in ways, I am not able to even name.

And that is why he is not learning.  The more skillful he becomes in reading my mind, the less motivation he has to rely on his own brain.

He doesn’t use it, he doesn’t trust it at least in the context of our one on one teaching/learning.

“Reading my mind” is not a good skill, it is a barrier to learning and to some degree functioning efficiently in the world.

It is a problem.

December 2, 2014

I still cannot figure out the reasons why Robert and I spent Friday and Saturday home.  Jan had to go to work on Friday, but on Saturday, he didn’t have any appetite for going out either.

It might be that we just ate too much and the food made us lazy.  It might be that Robert’s gorging on black and white cake resulted in a stomach pain of some sort.  Any way, he woke up late on Friday. He moved from bed to bed as if he were looking for a place that would soothe his discomfort. He returned to his bed  and fell asleep again.  An hour later, I convinced him to get up by reminding him of the plans we had made the previous evening: deposit all cans and bottles and go to McDonald for lunch.  He got up, ate breakfast, but he was clearly not in a mood for going out. He was not in a mood for joining his friend who came for a morning visit. The friend understood, and left.  I mentioned a plan visit to McDonald, but that didn’t calm Robert either. He was not in a mood for any fast food place. He was not in a mood for anything really.

I didn’t know why he was making noises that didn’t say anything more than, “I am miserable. ” I didn’t know why he was miserable. As I always do when I don’t know what bothers Robert I followed with  attending to possible causes of physical discomfort.  Inhalator for possible tightness of lungs due to asthma.  Metamucil crackers for probable problem with lingering gases. Omeprezole for acid reflux.  Soothing words.

It got better. By noon, Robert still didn’t want to go out but ate some leftovers and a bowl of arugula. Moreover, he didn’t have anything against studying with me. We completed the whole unit from Reading Comprehension for Hyperlexia and Autism among other things. Robert studied for almost two hours, but he, nonetheless, didn’t want to leave the house.  I don’t know why.  In the evening, he rode on exercise bike for 20 minutes and helped his dad to start the fire in the fireplace.

Saturday, Robert didn’t dress up until  6PM.  But while in his pajama, he studied with me, completing the last unit from Reading Comprehension, washed dirty clothes, played Synonym Board Game with his father and me, watched TV, ate poblano and the remaining chicken cutlet, and enjoyed a very short visit of  another friend.  And no, he didn’t want to go anywhere.

Only when he was back in his pajama, did he state his plans for the following day, ” Ski, ski.”

Feeling guilty of not doing anything for two days, we drove two hours one way to Mount Sunapee, so Jan and Robert could ski for an hour and a half. Except, they didn’t check which trails were open and soon they found themselves with only one option – going down the black diamond trail. Robert stopped and looked at his dad questioning the sanity of the world which didn’t offer any good solution, then carefully and silently followed his father directions.  He listened as attentively as he had never did on easier slopes.  They both learned their lesson and before going up again, they checked what other trails were opened.

On a way back, we stopped at Food Court in Merrimack, NH where double cheeseburger seemed to provide for Robert the perfect ending to the Thanksgiving weekend.

November 29, 2014

Part 1

Every Thanksgiving,  as long as I remember, we spent either having guests or being invited to someone’s else home.  After all, this is the Holiday to celebrate the sharing with others.

But we didn’t do that this year.  This year we had Thanksgiving at home.  Three of us, Robert, Jan, and I.  Amanda is still in France.

Holidays were always difficult.  For different reasons. That was the time when I missed my parents most. That was the time when I felt more than ever how Robert differed from his cousins, as if he were moving on a completely different orbit, belonging to another planet.

As Thanksgiving was approaching, I was rather cheerless. I had an underlying impression of not belonging anywhere because I was not being able to forge connections strong and meaningful enough to provide a pleasant and enriching holiday experience for… Robert. As turkey was being roasted, Jan took Robert for a short walk and to a movie theater.  And then we sat down to eat.  Turkey, beets, Brussels sprout, stuffing, bean salad, and a few other dishes for Jan and myself. Chicken fingers, baked potato with cheese, and arugula for Robert. Three of us together. It was not a sad or lonely experience. To the contrary. It was a warm and fulfilling time.  We were together.  We talked a little, we laughed a little. Jan and I shared my first apple pie in15 years.  Robert ate cookies we baked together. We all drank tea after dinner looking at each other, smiling,  and chatting as much as Robert could muster.

It was surprisingly a wonderful and relaxing Holiday.  And then I realized that the thing that I missed most on those other Holidays was… Robert.

When we had quests, or when we were invited, Robert seemed to be separated from us more than on any other day.  I realized that as much as I like company of others, I do tend neglect Robert when the guests come. He seems lost and moves chaotically not sure where he belongs and what should he do.  I don’t help him. Maybe because I am too busy talking to others, maybe because I don’t know how to help him.

It might be that what bothered me most during those other Holidays was that I lost connection… with Robert.

Of course, that is the Holiday’s conundrum.  You should celebrate the closeness of your family and its openness to others.  You should nurture your  inner relations of your family circle and you should cultivate and enforce the ties that connect your family with friends and distant relatives. During my childhood in Poland, it was easy to manage those contradictory undercurrents of celebrating. We had two days of holidays for Christmas and for Easter. One day we spent in a close family circle, the second day was for going out and/or inviting others.  Here in America, I always spent holidays as f it was that second day and never as it was the first.  It was American Holiday of Thanksgiving that allowed me to understand that.